Quarae verum
Monday, November 27, 2006
LIFE...
Life.
It is such a fragile thing. So fragile, that in its fragility lies its meaninglessness. For a meaning can only be eternal, but the existence or inexistence of it, itself hangs in balance. Now it may exist. Now it may not.
Then why does one, why do I, look for meaning in it? I know that never shall I find meaning, for the fact that life is meaningless, is a fact eternal. What some might call the everlasting truth.
All things, all my acts, my thoughts, my philosophies, my ignorant preachings, and my self, shall one day cease to exist. Then why do I exist at all?
I envy all those things that never exist at all. For like me, they need not search their existence for meaning. For they are inexistent. If only I was inexistent. Or at least lifeless.
If only I was a stone. It does not even know that it exists.
Hence if one day, it ceases to exist, if it is broken into pieces or crushed, it realizes not, that it has crossed over that line of existence, beyond which lies infinite inexistence. Its days of 'being' are over. Thus it is freed. Freed from a state of existence without knowledge. It has given up the burden that it unknowingly carried. The burden of not having knowledge. The burden of 'being' without knowledge.
I too, I observe, am a 'being' without 'knowledge'. The difference however is that the knowledge the stone lacks is of its existence itself, while the knowledge I lack is of the meaning of my existence.
But the burden of the stone, was unknown to it. 'Twas neither felt nor perceived. So it wasn’t much of a burden so to say.
Yet, despite being lifeless, it unknowingly carried a burden. I call it a burden because, as two existents, I empathize. For how sad would it be if I existed and did not know of my existence! I do not want to be existent lifelessly. I want not to exist at all.
But the only way to not exist, now that I exist, is to cease to exist. And how be that? Death? Is death the line that separates my existence from my inexistence? With death, does my existence cease? Once again, I do not know. I am without knowledge, as regards that.
This 'I' I have been talking about, is Me. But who is me? Who am I? Ah! The question surfaces again.
Is 'I' the person or the thought? For he this ‘I’ is the 'person' then death, the end of this person, might be MY answer.
But what if 'I' is the thought?
My thoughts, they are again, nothing but a search. A search for meaning. The meaning of my existence. Till there is life, I try to find meaning for my life. Them i try to find meaning for my existence.
So, if I am my thought, and my thought is a search, then I am, my existence is, merely a search. A search for meaning. So if meaning I find, my search it ends. My existence it ceases.
That is to say that only finding meaning, the meaning of my life, of my existence, can cause me to cease to exist.
This perchance happens to be the answer to my first and foremost question: Why do I try to find meaning? It is because I yearn, my thoughts yearn, and crave to be inexistent.
To not exist at all. ¶ 5:41 PM 1 Comments
It is such a fragile thing. So fragile, that in its fragility lies its meaninglessness. For a meaning can only be eternal, but the existence or inexistence of it, itself hangs in balance. Now it may exist. Now it may not.
Then why does one, why do I, look for meaning in it? I know that never shall I find meaning, for the fact that life is meaningless, is a fact eternal. What some might call the everlasting truth.
All things, all my acts, my thoughts, my philosophies, my ignorant preachings, and my self, shall one day cease to exist. Then why do I exist at all?
I envy all those things that never exist at all. For like me, they need not search their existence for meaning. For they are inexistent. If only I was inexistent. Or at least lifeless.
If only I was a stone. It does not even know that it exists.
Hence if one day, it ceases to exist, if it is broken into pieces or crushed, it realizes not, that it has crossed over that line of existence, beyond which lies infinite inexistence. Its days of 'being' are over. Thus it is freed. Freed from a state of existence without knowledge. It has given up the burden that it unknowingly carried. The burden of not having knowledge. The burden of 'being' without knowledge.
I too, I observe, am a 'being' without 'knowledge'. The difference however is that the knowledge the stone lacks is of its existence itself, while the knowledge I lack is of the meaning of my existence.
But the burden of the stone, was unknown to it. 'Twas neither felt nor perceived. So it wasn’t much of a burden so to say.
Yet, despite being lifeless, it unknowingly carried a burden. I call it a burden because, as two existents, I empathize. For how sad would it be if I existed and did not know of my existence! I do not want to be existent lifelessly. I want not to exist at all.
But the only way to not exist, now that I exist, is to cease to exist. And how be that? Death? Is death the line that separates my existence from my inexistence? With death, does my existence cease? Once again, I do not know. I am without knowledge, as regards that.
This 'I' I have been talking about, is Me. But who is me? Who am I? Ah! The question surfaces again.
Is 'I' the person or the thought? For he this ‘I’ is the 'person' then death, the end of this person, might be MY answer.
But what if 'I' is the thought?
My thoughts, they are again, nothing but a search. A search for meaning. The meaning of my existence. Till there is life, I try to find meaning for my life. Them i try to find meaning for my existence.
So, if I am my thought, and my thought is a search, then I am, my existence is, merely a search. A search for meaning. So if meaning I find, my search it ends. My existence it ceases.
That is to say that only finding meaning, the meaning of my life, of my existence, can cause me to cease to exist.
This perchance happens to be the answer to my first and foremost question: Why do I try to find meaning? It is because I yearn, my thoughts yearn, and crave to be inexistent.
To not exist at all. ¶ 5:41 PM 1 Comments
